Today, Baby K did something that she had never really done before, and caught me off-guard. She hit out at her playmates at our play date - two boys who had just turned 1 the previous month, making her the eldest of the group.
Yes, she had hit/bitten me before, but that was only when she was very tired and hence cranky. In all our previous play dates, the most she had done was scream at any offending tot. It was also only the second or third time we had been interacting as a group with the mommies and babies, so naturally I was anxious on how the mothers viewed my baby (as well as my parenting methods - or lack thereof).
To add to my confusion, I had just read a chapter in a book about the merits of non-intervention when kids fight - letting them settle matters themselves gives them some real world lessons on how to socialisation, instead of always falling back on someone to guide them on what is right/what to do. So on top of my gentle parenting beliefs where hitting is a no-no, a part of me was tempted to see where Baby K's misdemenour would lead to.
However, the two boys were not as physically developed as she was, so they were at an obvious disadvantage. Each time she lashed out at a boy, pushing him away/branding him with a crayon/yanking his hair, I simply had to intervene. In fact, I wished I could have stopped her before she acted, but as I was feeling rather under the weather, my reactions were a tad bit slow. I pulled her hand away, admonished her, told her to apologise, ignored her but nothing worked. I was getting more and more embarrassed by my daughter's "bad" behaviour - she was making a boy cry every few minutes, and even had the gall to sign "scared" after each scuffle!
In the end, it was Baby K who showed me what I needed to do. She started fussing for milk, and so we stepped out of the room to nurse. All I had to do was remove her for the scene of the crime to stop her. What can a parent of a 16 month old do, after all? They are too young to understand that hitting is painful, anti-social behaviour, and that anything other than their own feelings and sense of well-being were the only things that mattered.
Still, after the nursing session, the distressing behaviour continued to a certain extent. It was only when we got home that I realised what was really bothering her - she was exhausted. She fell asleep almost as soon as we hit the bed, skipping her dinner and bath. After that, I managed to check my phone for messages. It was The Hubs replying to my reports on her sassy-tude: "She seems to react this way when she is tired".
Dang, why didn't I have the clarity of mind to see it earlier?? I would have saved all of us a lot of grief! Here the poor girl was asking for me to rescue her and there I was refusing to help. In an unfamiliar environment, feeling tired and crabby, and with two boys who kept invading her personal space - she must have felt confused and scared.
And while I was nevertheless glad that I didn't resort to any violence, I have learnt a valuable lesson today: I am responsible to my daughter. I should not let my own anxiety or fear of how others view my parenting methods to cloud my own judgement. When she is acting out, it is not because she is naughty. She is merely communicating a need to me, and it is my duty as the person she loves and trusts so deeply, to respond to her in a proper manner.
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